The Tantalizing Tales of Temari
by johnsonmiranda70
Summary: This is Temari's journal. Read it if you dare!
1. Oh Brother!

**January 7**

I've decided to start my own journal, just like my brothers have. Except, it's not a journal, or a diary. Diaries are for stuck up prissies who use way to much hair spray. This book will be known as my Tantalizing Tales. Don't ask why.

My littlest brother Gaara and his journal have been going on very well ever since he started it a few months ago. If you threaten him with a therapist, he's like putty in your hands and will absolutely do anything to avoid the therapist. Or in his words, the man with the creepy stare and pompadour hair. Bright pink pompadour hair, that is.

On the other hand, I worry for my brother Kankuro. He has recently started to write his own diary, not journal, diary.

In a bright pink and purple notebook with frills at the end with unicorns and butterflies decorating the cover no less.

Gaara laughed his insomnia butt to no end at the sight of it.

I instantly burned it.

Now he writes in a suitable journal for young men like himself.

Actually, to tell you the truth, I have no idea what he is.

Your unsure author,

Temari


	2. Cat vs Cat!

**January 8**

It's cat vs. cat in the Sand Sibling residence.

I brought my cat home a few weeks ago and it made itself right at home. Right at home in Gaara's sand that is. He hasn't found that out yet, and I'm determined to keep it that way.

Kankuro bought himself a cat, even though I told him not to.

It's been a full fledge feline war ever since and Gaara's sand is sadly in the middle of it.

Not surprisingly, Gaara's sand makes for an excellent urine absorbent.

Kankuro's cat Fluffy vs. my cat CuddlyKinz

Who is going to win?

Gaara's sand surely won't.

Your cat loving author,

Temari


	3. Cat on a Mission

**January 9**

It's all out nuclear war now and no one is safe. Not even you Gaara or your little sand too.

Kankuro's cat scratched up my fan.

I sent my cat to claw up his dumb cat hat.

And spill all his face paint.

And scratch his puppets.

And shred his favorite underwear with the teddy bears.

And pee on Gaara's sand again.

The last one was unintentional.

When a cat's got to pee, a cat's got to pee.

And when you have sand that can be used as an excellent absorbant, well you get the idea.

Your scheming author

Temari


	4. Name Change

**January 10**

CuddlyKinz is dead.

The name, not the actual cat.

I've decided to name her Siren. You know why?

Cause she has all the male cats around the neighborhood wrapped around her tiny little paw just by saying one meow.

I don't know if it's because of her voice or the male cats thinking she is very attractive.

Fluffy has nothing on her and never will.

His owner is Kankuro for pete's sake. The guy has no skills with the ladies.

Although, Siren can't beat Gaara and his legions of fan girls.

How does he do it? I have no clue.

Maybe it's his mysterious eyes or the fact he's Kazekage.

Maybe Kankuro can get some tips from him on being a real man.

Cause if you wear purple face paint and try to write in a girly diary, you have problems.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to find the therapist's number.

Signed by your number seeking author,

Temari


	5. Good News, Bad News, and Broken Tables

**January 11, **

There are cheers and tears ringing throughout the house as I write this minute.

The reason for the cheers?

I told Gaara that he doesn't need a therapist as of today.

He amazingly did a moonwalk out of the room in celebration.

I'm very proud of his dancing capabilities.

The reason for the tears?

I told Kankuro that he does need a therapist as of today.

His first appointment is tomorrow at 3.

As soon as I told him the news, he had a temper tantrum.

And I mean, temper tantrum.

Picture this, a grown teenager balling his eyes out while flipping any table that he finds like one of those real housewives do.

I never knew he was capable of such emotion.

Maybe Gaara isn't the unstable one in the family.

Your news giving and now table shopping author

Temari


	6. A Bad First Day

**January 12**

I have this weird feeling that my cat's going to run away from me.

I don't know why, I just do.

Anyways, Kankuro went to visit the therapist today.

It didn't go so well.

He came back with bruises and cuts all over his face.

Gaara asked him why he looked like he came out of a fight club.

He said he hit on a girl.

I asked him why that was the reason for his ugly beat up face.

He said the girl was his therapist's hot teenage daughter.

Gaara just walked out the room, unwilling to comment.

Me on the other hand. . .

I made that ugly beat up face even uglier.

I feel so happy now.

Your feeling happy author

Temari

* * *

Temari here. Please vote on my poll on my profile page. You people determine mine and my brother's supernatural fates (Hint,Hint!)


	7. Upcoming Birthday

**January 16**

Today is January 16.

You know what that means.

Three days till Gaara's birthday.

I have no idea what to get him for his special day.

What could I get for someone who's the leader of one of the Five Great Shinobi Nations.

I've narrowed it down to three choices.

A new secretary that won't look at him lustfully at any time she gets when he passes by her desk.

A massage chair to help him to finally relax after a hard day filled with paperwork and council meetings.

Or a full time unlimited pass to hit Kankuro anytime he wants without a single reprimand from me.

I'm edging towards the third one.

I love to see Kankuro in pain, especially the pain inflicted by fellow family members.

Your birthday planning and pain loving author,

Temari


	8. Wedgies and Parties

**Sorry for uploading the wrong chapter you guys. I had finished taking my Spanish mid term and I was all tired out. Thank you Gaaralover and The Kazekage of Suna for pointing it out. Here's the REAL chapter below. If anyone thinks I might not be doing a good job connecting this story with the Kazekage of Suna's and Kakashi the Moo Cow's and I should just make it a seperate parody/story from theirs, pm or leave a review. I fully understand. Now please enjoy the chapter while I hide in my closet with my battle fan just in case you guys come after me with pitch forks! O.O**

* * *

**J****anuary 17**

It is now two days before Gaara's birthday.

I'm still leaning to the unlimited Hit Kankuro pass. It's my cheapest option.

Today, Gaara made it quite clear that he doesn't want a big outlandish bonanza of party.

All he wants is a quiet get together of his closest friends and family.

I plan on giving him just that.

Kankuro on the other hand, doesn't like the quiet get together idea.

He went up to Gaara's face and told him he was going to get a big party and that he was going to invite everyone we know from the Leaf.

Gaara soon reminded him that his birthday was in two days.

Travel between Suna and the Leaf takes three.

I never knew a sweat drop could be so large and not break your neck.

I also didn't know that Gaara can give out epic sand wedgies.

That's some sly sand you got their Gaara

Your get to together planning author

Temari

* * *

**BTW, VOTE ON MY POLL!**


	9. Water Balloons and Face Paint

**January 18**

All of the preparations for Gaara's birthday get together have been put in place and are ready for tomorrow.

While Gaara was at work, Kankuro walked into the house with a gourd shaped piñata.

I asked him what was inside the piñata.

He said it was filled with candy and cookies.

He thought he was in the clear.

Until he tripped on his own two feet and dropped the piñata right in the middle of the kitchen.

It looked like a 24/7 flood zone.

Did he really think he could get away with a piñata filled with water balloons.

How he was able to fit so many in the small piñata is beyond me.

At least I got a photo of him with his face paint dripping down his face.

He's a sad clown indeed who now has learned the value of waterproof paint.

Your currently chuckling author,

Temari

* * *

**Vote on my poll!**


	10. Risky Business at the Get Together

**A/N: From now on, this story will only be influenced by Signed By Your Not So Loyal Author by The Kazekage of Suna and The Special Life of Kankuro by Kakashi the Moo Cow. Think of this story as the other stories' second cousin, just removed. Please enjoy! XD**

* * *

**January 19**

Gaara's get together/birthday party was a success.

Except for one thing.

Baki got drunk during the party.

I don't know how.

He was running around the house screaming how all the girls were his bitches and that he rules over mankind.

Then he did the underwear scene from Tom Cruise's "Risky Business", wooden spoon and all.

While wearing Kankuro's teddy bear boxers, no less.

It could have been worse.

He could have done it while wearing Kankuro's Barney patterned briefs.

Scarring, isn't it.

If you excuse me, I need to make sure that Gaara isn't blind.

Your worried for her brother's eyesight author,

Temari


	11. Spiked Bonfire!

**January 20**

I figured out how Baki got drunk during Gaara's birthday/get together yesterday.

Kankuro spiked his punch.

I didn't even know Kankuro possessed alcohol.

Until I found his secret sake collection in Salamander's underbelly.

He said he was only experimenting with it.

Then he said he was holding it for Baki.

All in all, I did learn one thing from this discovery.

Alcohol makes for an excellent bonfire.

The smores had a nice flavor to them.

Kankuro didn't get any, if you were wondering.

Your smores roasting and alcohol burning author

Temari

P.S. I think I got Gaara addicted to them. Must hide the marshmellows.


	12. Platinum Blonde Kankuro

**January 24**

Kankuro has gone crazy.

After his usual meeting with his therapist, he told me and Gaara that he needed to express himself more.

How'd he done that you ask?

He dyed his hair.

He didn't put streaks in.

He didn't put extensions in.

He's not even wearing wigs to express himself.

He died his hair.

Platinum blonde to be exact.

Platinum blonde, my worse nightmare.

To make it even worse, Gaara decided to try out his comedic genius by playing the I'm a Barbie Girl song every time Kankuro walked into a room.

Seriously Kankuro?

The extensions would have been better.

Your ticked off at a platinum blonde brother author

Temari


	13. Change

**January 26**

It's officially day three of Kankuro's blonde hair crusade.

Gaara has officially stopped talking to Kankuro after he suggested that Gaara dye his hair yesterday.

He wanted Gaara to dye his hair either emo black, sunny orange, or bubblegum pink.

I can never imagine Gaara dying his hair any of those colors.

Well, maybe emo black. Sometimes.

Kankuro suggested that I shave my hair.

I instantly bitch slapped him.

Seriously Kankuro? What's with the ridiculous suggestions?

Can you seriously imagine me without my four pigtails?

The pigtails are me. This is my identity.

Kankuro can change his image.

But he can't change mine's or Gaara's.

If he does, then there is seriously going to be some hell to pay.

Your threatening author

Temari


	14. Nude Painting? No Way!

**January 28**

It is officially day five of Kankuro's blonde hair and creativity crusade.

To express himself even more, Kankuro has decided to take up painting.

He didn't want to start small with a one of those portraits of a fruit basket.

Quite the opposite actually.

He asked me and Gaara if he could hire a model for a nude portrait that he wanted to do.

Gaara and me instantly bitch slapped him across his face painted cheeks.

No way in hell were we allowing him to do that in our house.

Especially since we're all still underage.

He's better off reading porn magazines.

I can't believe I just said that.

Your irritated author

Temari


	15. The Stinky Kazekage Tower

**February 1**

It's now day nine of Kankuro's creativity crusade.

He has now gone from nude painting to spray painting.

The first thing he spray painted.

Peeing cats.

On the Kazekage Tower.

It was so realistic though that it attracted real cats from all over Suna to the tower.

Eventually they used the tower as their own litter box.

The building is now a bio hazardous zone.

Sniff the air near it and you'll get instant diarrhea.

Unfortunately for Gaara, he was the first victim of the pee stench.

Unfortunately for me, I was the second.

If you excuse me, the bathroom awaits.

Your reeling author

Temari


	16. Creativity through Sports

**February 3**

It is day 11 of Kankuro's creativity crusade.

He's decided to express himself through sports.

How so you may ask?

Let's just say Kankuro just does not look good in a gymnastics leotard.

The first thing he tried was the balance beam.

He was able to do one successful flip before nutting himself on the bar.

He soon gave up on his gymnastics endeavor.

For good.

Now he wants to try ice skating.

Should I tell him that Suna does not have any ice rinks?

Or any place that sells ice skates?

Nah!

He'll learn on his own.

If you excuse me, I have an embarrassing gymnastics video to show Gaara.

Kankuro will never live this down.

Your scheming author

Temari


	17. Annoying Songs

**February 8**

It is now day 16 of Kankuro's creativity crusade.

He has now turned to singing as his creative outlet.

He sounds like a screaming banshee clawing its nails on a chalkboard while listening to heavy metal.

His singing broke a few windows, made Gaara's eye twitch to no end, made Siren's claw the couch in annoyance, and made our neighbors run from their homes thinking that Suna was being invaded by rogue ninjas.

His song choices were the worst part.

If I have to hear him sing "Baby" and "Friday" one more time, I'm seriously going to go on a murderous rampage that will bring Shukaku to shame.

Kankuro, you will be my first victim.

You've been warned.

Also, you owe me some windows.

Your pissed at annoying songs author,

Temari

* * *

**Birthday Reminders**

**Today is Naruto's Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi's birthday, February 8.**


	18. Gaara's Butt

**February 11**

I was totally blown away with a question today.

As I was walking home from the Kazekage Tower, I was approached by one of Gaara's crazy fan girls.

The girl asked me to rate Gaara's butt.

Seriously?

Rate Gaara's butt?

I'm his sister so I don't pay attention to Gaara's "assets."

Besides, Gaara's red coat and sand gourd blocks any potential view of his butt when he's not at work.

Plus, Gaara's Kazekage robes prevent any potential view of his butt when he's at work.

It's like he's actually hiding his butt from the world.

Is he afraid other guys will get butt envy or is he afraid that he'll get more fan girls if he shows it?

I'm going with scared of fan girls.

All will be revealed in time.

Great, that fan girl has got me thinking about my own brother's butt.

Why me?

Your annoyed author

Temari

P.S. I do not care about Gaara's butt. His butt is his business.


	19. After Valentine's Day

**February 15**

It's the day after Valentine's Day.

Gaara got plenty of love letters, chocolate chip cookies, and even a few pairs of lacy underwear from his crazy fan girls.

He ate the cookies, made his assistants read the love letters, and burned the lacy underwear in our house's incinerator.

I didn't even know we owned an incinerator and I have lived in the house the longest.

Anyways, Shikamaru actually visited me yesterday and let's just say it was the best day ever.

Until, Kankuro interrupted me and Shika before we were able to kiss.

Kankuro did get kissed though.

By my fist.

A kiss with a fist, now doesn't that sound poetic?

Your slightly poetic author

Temari


	20. Face Paint

**February 19**

Kankuro is obsessed with face paint.

I walked into the kitchen to get an afternoon snack, but when I opened the kitchen cupboard, all I saw was face paint canisters.

There were at least 80 of them stuffed into the cupboards and the drawers.

I even found two of them in the fridge.

I asked Kankuro why he had his face paint stuffed into places all around the kitchen.

He said because he ran out of space in his bathroom, closet, and bedroom.

Really Kankuro?

You ran out of space for your face paint in your own bathroom.

Let's just say after our little conversation, Kankuro is rushing to take out all his face paint from the kitchen before I personally burn the stuff.

Your fire happy author

Temari


	21. Eyes and Kanjis

**February 22**

I saw the crazy fan girl that asked about Gaara's butt the other day.

Sadly, she had more questiond for me.

She asked me why Gaara's eyes had no pupils.

I had no answer for her.

She asked me if the dark rings were a result of Gaara's insomnia, him using my mascara to be more emo, or him using marker to look like a panda/raccoon hybrid.

I told her it was a result of the insomnia and that Gaara was DEFINETLY not emo or into pandas and raccoons.

Plus, I would never let him near my mascara and Kankuro would never let him near his markers.

She told me that last remark would upset the Emo Gaara, Pandas, and Raccoons Fan Club.

I didn't realize there even was an Emo Gaara, Pandas, and Racoons Fan Club.

The girl then asked me if the tattoo on Gaara's forehead was real.

I told her since he technically carved the kanji in to his forehead with his sand and that its just pink flesh, it was not a tattoo.

She ran off after that, a scarred look evident on her face.

I really need to not walk into her again.

Your certainly avoiding one of Gaara's fan girls author

Temari


	22. Vandalized Teddy Bear

**February 23**

Today, I neglected to knock on the bathroom door and just waltzed right in.

I walked in to see Kankuro painting Gaara's teddy bear's toenails bright pink.

Kankuro instantly dropped the paint and begged me not to tell him.

I did nothing but walk out of the room backwards with a scarred expression on my face.

I walked like this until I reached the kitchen, where I found Gaara munching on a cookie.

He asked me why I looked as white as a bed sheet.

All I said was teddy bear and pink before Gaara put two and two together and ran upstairs to the bathroom.

Thiis was all I heard

"KANKURO!" *sand gushing* *puppeteer screaming profanities, obscenities and apologies* "GAARA PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL!" *windows and wood breaking* "NEVER!"

I'm afraid to go upstairs.

Neither has come down here since then.

I'm currently hiding under the kitchen table as I write.

I would go see if everyone is alright, but like I wrote before, I'm afraid to go upstairs.

Your spineless author

Temari

P.S. I feel so bad for Gaara's teddy bear right now. It's the real victim here.


	23. The Aftermath

**February 24**

I finally gathered enough confidence to walk upstairs to check on my brothers.

The bathroom is a complete warzone. The walls are damaged, the windows, cabinets, and bathtub are all broken. The clothes in the laundry hamper are completely shredded. And there is sand littered all across the floor.

Surprisingly, the toilet was the only thing not damaged in the melee.

I went to Gaara's room to find him using my nail polish remover to remove the nail polish from his teddy bear.

I asked him where was Kankuro.

He told me he flushed him down the toilet.

I asked him if he was bluffing.

He said with a smug smirk that he never bluffs.

I walked back into the bathroom soon after and lifted up the toilet lid to fin Kankuro's cat hat and some of his hair floating in the toilet water.

I have no idea what Gaara did and I never want to find out.

Ever!

Your sad for Kankuro author

Temari


	24. The Paranoia Grows

**February 27**

There is still no sign of Kankuro to this day.

The idea of Gaara killing Kankuro starts to grow in my head each day.

Gaara is acting a little strange these past few days ever since he flushed Kankuro down the toilet.

He actually seems . . .

Happy.

It's crazy just thinking about it.

This morning, he was threatening a smile.

A freaking smile.

I'm getting more and more scared each day.

I think Gaara may have gone psycho.

Somehow, Shukuaku's influence lingers within that brain of his head.

If you excuse me, I'm going to call the therapists.

One for Gaara.

And one for me.

Your paranoid author

Temari


	25. Found Puppeteer, Lost Cat

**March 1**

Kankuro has been found.

Apparently, he escaped Gaara's rage by leaping out of the window and hiding himself in the junkyard in uptown Suna.

One thing's for sure, he definitely smells like he was living in a toilet for the past few days.

I'm glad Kankuro's safe and sound, but now my cat Siren has gone missing.

I asked Gaara where my cat was.

He told me she was hiding somewhere nice and warm.

I didn't get what he was talking about until he slightly nodded his head to the incinerator and then left theroom with a smirk on his face.

I soon found small traces of cat hair under the incinerator.

My theory that Gaara has gone back to being a psycho is becoming more and more realistic each day.

May your soul most likely rest in peace, my little Siren.

Your maybe mourning author

Temari


	26. New Plans

**March 3**

Siren wasn't dead after all.

I found her hiding in the basement just napping the day away.

Apparently, she's shedding.

That's why I found her cat hair under the incinerator.

Note to self, take out the incinerator before someone gets seriously hurt.

And cancel the cat funeral I had originally planned.

I still can't even stay in the same room with Kankuro because he still smells like a junkyard.

So I decided to spend some time with Gaara.

I asked how Gaara was doing today.

He says he's ready to take over the world.

And then he laughed maniacally like a lunatic.

Maybe I should think twice of taking out the incinerator.

I may need to use it after all.

Your slightly scared shitless author,

Temari


	27. Bets

**March 6**

Gaara walked in to my room and apologized to me for his recent behavior these past few days.

He told me he made a bet with Baki that if he could make me scared by making me think that he was psycho in less than three weeks, Baki would have to buy him a box of chocolate chip cookies.

Baki, you're an idiot.

He had small video cameras placed around the house to document my almost nervous breakdown.

Gaara, I officially dispise you.

Anyway, he made me swear on his sand that I would never tell Kankuro about this.

I swore, he left.

Well played Gaara, well played.

I will get you back for that. This I swear.

Your scheming author

Temari

* * *

**Temari, you can't get me back.**

**I'm everywhere**

**Gaara**

* * *

I hate it when he does that.

Temari


	28. Junkyard Studio

**March 7**

I have no good ideas on how to get back at Gaara.

For now.

Anyway, Kankuro has decided to give up his creativity crusade.

He's run out of things to do to express himself creatively.

But that was what he wanted us to think.

Turns out he rented out a part of the junkyard he hid in to build an art studio for himself.

I saw it for myself and it's actually pretty decent.

I asked him where he got the money to pay for it.

He took it out of Gaara's bank account.

Kankuro, you are an idiot.

Your disbelieving sister

Temari


	29. Gift Ideas

**March 9**

Today is Tenten's birthday.

As a way to make it up to her for beating her so badly at the Chunnin Exams, I sent her a birthday gift.

The gift? A book on the many ways to style your hair.

Seriously, the panda ears got to go.

Kankuro suggested I'd give her one of his artworks for a gift.

His suggestion? A portrait of himself.

Seriously Kankuro?

One thing: Tenten probably doesn't give a rat's ass about you. Everyone knows she has a thing for Neji.

A second thing: Not even our own grandmother, if she was alive, would want a portrait of you.

You're just that ugly.

Your gift giving author

Temari

* * *

**I'M NOT THAT UGLY TEMARI! I'M SEXY AND I KNOW!**

**Kankuro**

* * *

I seriously need a lock on this journal.

Temari


	30. Chuck Norris

**March 10**

Today is a very special day in the house of the Sand Siblings' household.

Today is Chuck Norris' birthday.

I celebrate it by reading Chuck Norris jokes on the internet.

Kankuro celebrates it by watching "Walker Texas Ranger" marathons on TV.

Gaara celebrates it by watching every movie that Chuck Norris has appeared in.

Anyway, Baki said that Chuck Norris isn't all that.

Are you serious Baki?

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

He kicked a baby elephant into puberty.

He will roundhouse kick his own grandmother just to see the look on your face. Then, he'll roundhouse kick your grandmother just for fun.

Don't cross Chuck Norris.

Never cross Chuck Norris.

To tell you the truth, we probably would have won the war a lot quicker if we had Chuck Norris on our side.

In my opinion, if there was a battle between the tailed beasts and Chuck Norris, the tailed beasts would happily surrender.

Except Shukaku.

He's an idiot.

Your Chuck Norris loving author

Temari


	31. Missing Fan

**March 15**

My fan is missing.

I placed my fan right next to my bed before I went to use the bathroom.

When I finished my business, I walked in to find it missing from my room.

I searched the whole entire house, but it's not there.

I searched Kankuro's puppet making room and it's not there.

I even searched Gaara's office, but he kicked me out before I could look in the small closet he has in the room.

What could you be hiding there Gaara?

Is it my fan?

Or is it something even worse?

Someone has skeletons hiding in the closet and surprisingly it's not Kankuro.

Your wondering author,

Temari


	32. Cookie Hoarder!

**March 17**

You know that closet in Gaara's office that I suspected he hid my fan in two days ago?

Well, I didn't find my fan there.

I found it under my bed by the way. Fail for me.

Anyway, turns out Gaara was hiding something much sweeter in his closet.

Cookies

I found at least a six month supply of cookies in that closet.

No wonder he never comes out of his office for lunch. He basically has dessert for lunch every day.

Well, two can play it that game.

Remember, when Gaara played that prank on me that convinced me that he gone psycho again.

I got my revenge on him by taking half his cookie supply and hiding them somewhere he will never suspect.

Your conniving author

Temari

* * *

**You think you're so clever taking my cookies sis?**

**I will get my revenge Temari. You may have won the battle, but you have not won the war.**

**Gaara**

* * *

Brother, if it's a fight you want, then it's a fight you get.

AND STOP WRITING IN MY DIARY DAMN IT!

Temari


	33. Found Cookies, Lost Jokes

**March 23**

The ongoing battle between Gaara and I is now under full swing.

Yesterday, Gaara found the cookies I took from his stash a few days ago under Kankuro's bed.

I didn't think he even had the guts to go into his room considering how weird Kankuro is.

Anyway, Gaara took his revenge on me by destroying a simple list of mine.

You'd think that destroying a simple list wouldn't affect me.

You'd think dead wrong.

You want to know why?

The list that Gaara destroyed was my list of all-time favorite Chuck Norris facts.

It took me weeks to compile that list and he destroyed it with a lighter in 10 seconds.

WHY THE HELL DOES HE EVEN HAVE A LIGHTER?!

I blame Kankuro.

Once you mess with my Chuck Norris facts, everything goes downhill.

I leave you with this journal.

Chuck Norris never played the game Trouble. It is named after him.

Think about it.

Your pissed author

Temari


	34. Got Glue?

**March 24**

Chris Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris wants to inform you: That's not milk you're drinking.

You want to know why I wrote that fact.

Simple, I'm using Chuck Norris facts to inspire my revenge ideas for Gaara.

And today's idea went successfully.

When Gaara got home after work today, he asked Kankuro to get him some cookies and a glass of milk.

Kankuro obliged and fetched Gaara's snack. When Kankuro gave Gaara his food, he instantly drank the milk first.

But that wasn't milk he was drinking.

It was liquid glue.

I bought a tub of glue and emptied out the stuff into an empty milk jug and Kankuro couldn't tell the difference.

Gaara's mouth was glued shut for the next five hours.

And he blames Kankuro for the mishap.

It also didn't help Kankuro's case that he was innocent since he then ate Gaara's cookies in front of him.

I'm so devious.

Thank you Chuck Norris.

Your happily mischievous author

Temari


	35. Run Gaara! Run!

**March 25**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Forrest Gump was running from Chuck Norris.

Today's plan was quite simple.

I overheard Gaara tell Kankuro that he was going to take a walk in a nearby park.

He told him that the park was practically empty at this time of day and to tell no one where he was going.

He told Kankuro to not tell anyone where he was going, but he never told me.

You want to know what I did?

Simple: I called up every Gaara fan club in Suna and told them about a possible Kazekage sighting at the same park Gaara was going to walk in.

Let's just say when I walked out the house about an hour later all I saw were hordes of fan girls chasing Gaara down the street.

He was seriously running faster than Forrest Gump.

Good thing I caught the whole thing on video.

And Kankuro gets all the blame.

Your scheming author

Temari


	36. Spicy Omelette

**March 26**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris does not need to break an egg to make an omelette.

A lot of hot pepper was found in Gaara's breakfast omelette this morning.

He drank at least two tubs of water before his mouth cooled down enough for him to talk and eat again.

He asked me why there was so much hot pepper in his egg breakfast.

The thing is: I didn't even make breakfast this morning.

I told Gaara this and he immediately stared down Kankuro.

Kankuro wilted under the pressure and instantly showed Gaara the bottle of shredded jalapeno peppers he hid under his seat.

Then Kankuro hightailed it straight to the Suna border.

I didn't prank Gaara at all today, but today was a success in the end.

Your pleased author

Temari


	37. Taijutsu

**Temari here. This journal has over 10,000 views. You guys are really gutsy! I commend the gutsy. Continue to read if you dare.**

* * *

**March 27**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Friends of Chuck Norris are black belts by association.

I've decided to put this fact in today's entry because I realized something today**.**

I've never seen my brothers do taijutsu in battle.

Gaara has always used his sand. Kankuro always uses his puppets. And I always use my fan.

I know I'm good in taijutsu. I don't need to prove it.

Kankuro has the strength for it ever since I saw him render three guys unconscious by giving them a punch to the face.

Each.

Then again, they were all fighting for the last bacon strip at the buffet table at a restaurant near our house.

And Gaara . . . well I'm not too sure.

I've seen him try to punch Naruto when they fought during the failed Suna invasion of Konoha.

Gaara didn't even land his punch before Naruto gave him one hard smack to cheek that sent him flying.

Contrary to popular belief, I was awake when that happened.

Your thinking author

Temari

* * *

**Birthdays**

**March 27: Izuru Kira (Bleach)**

**March 28: Sakura Haruno (Naruto)**


	38. Chest Hair

**March 29**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? Chuck Norris has more chest hair.

Kankuro came into the living room to tell me and Gaara that today he was officially becoming a man.

We asked him if he was going to give up the face paint.

He said no.

Instead, he took off his shirt and said he was growing hair.

All I saw was a bare chest and a bacon tattoo above his hip.

I didn't even want to know why he had the bacon tattoo.

Kankuro further showed us the two chest hairs growing in the middle of his chest.

Gaara plucked out one hair.

I plucked out the other.

Kankuro walked out the room complaining about unsupportive siblings soon after.

Kankuro, nice try.

Chuck Norris would have roundhouse kicked you in the nuts if you showed him that excuse of a manly chest.

Your chest hair plucking author

Temari


	39. Bleached Cupcakes

**March 30**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris once cut a knife with a stick of butter.

Kankuro tried his hand at baking cupcakes today.

It ended miserably.

He ended up almost destroying the oven, dented the fridge, shredded the cookbook, and broke the wooden spoon I use to bake chocolate chip cookies for everyone.

He ended up baking the cupcakes and indeed, they did look perfect.

But me and Gaara did not even risk eating any of them.

You want to know why?

I thought I saw Kankuro put bleach in the cupcake mixture when he added the butter.

Gaara put a stop to the cupcake terror by throwing the cupcakes into the incinerator.

Yeah, I still have no idea how we even got an incinerator.

Kankuro was mad.

Me and Gaara were glad.

Your not eating poisonous cupcakes author,

Temari

P.S. : Yes, that was a Glad trash bag reference I just used before signing off.


	40. Arm Wrestling

**March 31**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris made a bet with Hulk. Whoever loses an arm wrestling match would paint himself green.

I beat Kankuro in an arm wrestling match today.

Thanks to Gaara's sand being a distraction for him.

All Gaara did was create a small bee out of his sand to annoy the heck out of Kankuro.

It worked perfectly.

Kankuro kept swatting at the fly with his freehand that he got distracted enough for me to pin his hand to the table.

Now he has to wash the dishes, clean the toilets, and clean out the cats' litter boxes for an entire month.

Your living the good life author,

Temari


	41. Make Up

**April 1**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

The first man who saw Chuck Norris was the man who invented "Aww shit!"

Today, Kankuro came home with a whole bunch of cuts and bruises across his body and a gruesome black eye that left his right eye completely swollen shut.

Gaara asked him what happened.

Kankuro told us that he walked by a shoe shop bashing women who wore too much makeup.

Apparently, a large group of women in that shoe shop that were wearing too much makeup overheard him and went up to Kankuro to speak with him.

The head lady of the group asked him to take his comments back.

He said "Hell No Bozo!" to her.

And he asks us why he always gets hurt.

Your tired author,

Temari

* * *

**Birthdays**

**April1: Mashiro Kuna (Bleach)**

**April 2: Hidan (Naruto)**

**April 3: Yammy Llargo (Bleach)**


	42. High Heel Beatdown

**April 2**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris doesn't grow taller, the world shrinks.

I walked into my bedroom this morning to find something disturbing.

Kankuro was wearing my heels.

He was wearing my freaking high heels.

I asked him why.

He told me he wanted to feel taller.

I was actually pleased with that answer.

Till he walked to my closet and grabbed one of my dresses.

He asked me if he could borrow it.

And that's when I started to beat him up.

I even used the heels Kankuro wore to beat his sorry ass.

No one wears my stuff.

No one.

Your threatening author

Temari


	43. Taekwondo

**April 5**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

The Native Americans have a name for Chuck Norris, "One that hurts with foot".

Kankuro decided to join a taekwondo class.

He got kicked out after 45 minutes passes because he hit on his taekwondo teacher.

And then she hit him back.

In the back.

Then the butt.

And finally the balls.

Kankuro, when will you ever learn?

Gaara says he never will.

I'm starting to agree with him.

Your worried author

Temari


	44. One Heavy Sleeper

**April 6**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris hits the snooze button so hard, he puts himself in a coma.

Gaara is a heavy sleeper.

And when I say heavy sleeper, I mean he's a HEAVY sleeper.

Just this morning, I went up to his room to wake him up after he didn't come down for breakfast.

I found him sleeping face up with his legs on his bed while the rest of his body was hanging off the bed on the floor.

I shook him awake, he didn't answer.

I told him I baked chocolate chip cookies, he didn't answer.

I told him he could hit Kankuro as long as he wanted for the rest of the year, he didn't answer.

I told him that he had a council meeting in one minute, he didn't answer.

He only answered when I told him that his fangirls were selling his underwear on the black market.

He specifically yelled: "NOT MY UNDERWEAR YOU OBSESSIVE YOUNG WOMEN!"

As you have just read, Gaara was surprisingly proper.

Your surprised author,

Temari


	45. Lost in Translation

**April 9**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris can speak Japanese . . . in French.

Gaara had a meeting with a few diplomats from one of the remote villages here in the Wind that spoke in their own language beside English.

The translator was running late, so Kankuro volunteered to translate what the diplomats said since he said he knew their language.

It was a bad decision on Gaara's part to let Kankuro do it.

Currently, we're in crisis mode, trying to prevent a war from happening between Suna and the Village of Gravel.

Why you may ask?

Kankuro said that we will kill all the village women and children in their village when he should have said we will happily increase our trade with them.

Talk about lost in translation.

Your trying to prevent a war from happening author,

Temari


	46. Chopsticks

**April 10**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris caught the Karate Kid in midair with chopsticks.

It was time to have fun with chopsticks today.

I ate to my heart's content a bowl of ramen.

I found a pair of fashionable chopsticks that went nice with a rose colored dress I have in my closet.

I chucked chopsticks at a picture of Kankuro taped to a dartboard in my room.

Don't worry, he doesn't know about it.

What else?

Oh yeah.

I caught Gaara wearing chopsticks like they were walrus tusks when he thought I wasn't looking.

I love blackmail.

Your having fun with chopsticks author

Temari


	47. Nightmares and Costumes

**April 12**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Freddy Kruger is scared to sleep because Chuck Norris might show up and roundhouse kick him.

I went to Gaara's room last night after I heard him yelling.

Gaara had a nightmare.

He said his nightmare was about his fan girls holding all the cookies in Suna hostage in exchange for him kissing them.

Every single one of them.

Do you know how many fan girls reside in Suna?

Way too many to count.

Suddenly, Kankuro came into the room dressed like Freddy Kruger, scaring me shitless and making Gaara jump off the bed.

Kankuro soon laughed his ass off.

To counter that, I got dressed in my own Halloween costume, ran back to Gaara's room, and scared the shit out of Kankuro, who jumped out the window in fear.

No one messes with me.

Especially when I dress like Jason Voorhees.

Your scaring a sibling author,

Temari


	48. Bloody Knuckles

**April 14**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris can beat boredom. With his fists.

Kankuro and Gaara decided to play a harmless childhood game today.

That game you may ask?

Bloody knuckles.

Kankuro went first and landed one loud punch straight to Gaara's knuckles.

I thought it was going to draw blood on impact.

I was sadly mistaken when I saw the actual results.

Gaara's knuckles looked absolutely fine after the punch.

Neither Kankuro nor I could believe it.

It was Gaara's turn after we got over our initial shock.

Gaara didn't even put much force into his punch.

All he did was tap Kankuro's knuckles with his own and somehow Kankuro got launched right through the back door of the house and into Gaara's cactus patch.

I asked Gaara how in the world he accomplished the feat.

He told me never trust a sandman in a game of bloody knuckles.

I hope Kankuro learned a lesson because after that punch, his knuckles weren't the only things that were bloody.

Your stunned author,

Temari


	49. Cacti, Cacti, and More Cacti?

**April 19**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Should it hit the Earth, Chuck Norris' sweat creates plant life.

I believe Gaara's cultivating cacti hobby has become a full blown obsession.

It started out just cultivating one cactus plant.

Then it became two.

Then three.

Then nine.

Then twenty.

Currently, his cactus plants are taking up our whole entire backyard.

I have no space to make my sake smores anymore.

If you're asking about why I'm not using my stove or a lighter, it's because Kankuro broke the stove while trying to cook bacon this morning and I have absolutely banned lighters in the house after Gaara tried to burn Kankuro's face paint collection.

Just this afternoon, Gaara came to my room asking if he can store his newest cactus plant in my room.

I asked him why he doesn't put it in his room.

He told me he ran out of space there too.

Need I say more?

Your worried about her cactus obsessed brother

Temari

* * *

**Temari**

**I cultivate cactus as a hobby, not as an obsessions.**

**Get your facts straight.**

**Gaara**

* * *

Must. Buy. Lock.

Temari


	50. Prank Calls

**50 entries down and many more to come. Continue to read at your own risk.**

* * *

**April 21**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris keeps a list of all his victims; it's called the phone book.

Kankuro decided to prank call a few people today.

He was successful with his first five calls.

But after his sixth call, he was as white as a bed sheet.

He told me that the guy on the other side of the line threatened him.

He also told me that the guy knew where we lived.

I told him he was delusional.

That's when the doorbell began to ring.

Kankuro instantly hid under the table while I went to open the door.

The guy turned out to be a total nerd who used a jutsu to change his voice to make it sound more threatening.

I asked him how he found our house.

He told me that Kankuro accidently told him our address.

Kankuro, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Not only were you scared by a nerd, but you broke the number one prank calling rule.

Never give your victims your phone number.

Your disappointed author

Temari


	51. Fan Class

**April 23**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Teachers give detention, Chuck Norris gives roundhouse kicks.

I was given the task of teaching a class of wind users how to use a fan in battle.

The girls did excellent.

The boys . . . not so much.

Some of the boys blew out the Academy classroom windows.

Others blew away a few random people down the block.

One kid in the class made a wind gust so damn large that it managed to knock Baki's turban off his head.

Don't ask what he actually looks like without the turban because another turban was underneath the first one.

Yes, another turban.

How does that man not sweat?

Your wondering author

Temari


	52. Pikachu Fan Girl!

**April 25**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Ash didn't send out Pikachu; he sent out Chuck Norris.

I found out a certain secret of Matsuri's today.

Apparently, she's very fond of mice.

A certain yellow mice that can electrocute people.

Yes, I'm talking about Pikachu.

Matsuri is a Pikachu fan girl.

You want to know how I found out?

I saw her walk into a mysterious building as I was walking home from the Kazekage building this afternoon.

Feigning curiosity, I decided to see why Matsuri walked into the building, so I looked through the first window.

I saw Matsuri and a few other girls and boys sitting around a table, surrounded by Pikachu memorabilia.

Lots and lots of Pikachu memorabilia.

Matsuri and everyone else in the room were holding on to their very own Pikachu plushies.

Don't worry; I took a photo of the whole scene.

I can't wait to show Gaara what his student does in her free time.

Your sneaky author

Temari


	53. GOOOOOOOOOOAL?

**April 27**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris once yelled at the TV during a football game and caused the player to fumble.

Today was the annual Suna Academy Senseis vs. Students soccer game.

Throughout the entire match, it was pretty much an even game.

It was tied at one till Baki sensei made the game winning goal.

In the senseis' net.

This gave the students the victory.

And made the senseis scowl at Baki for the humiliating defeat he caused them.

Kankuro tried to make him feel better.

But then he pulled Baki's pants down, further adding on to the humiliation.

I asked Gaara for his opinion.

He said he wished he had a camera.

Your slightly snickering author

Temari


	54. Cookie Eating Cat

**Happy Cinco de Mayo!**

* * *

**May 5**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Only Chuck Norris dares to admit that he took the cookie from the cookie jar.

Today was interrogation day.

Gaara called us into the kitchen today to ask us who ate all the cookies from his cookie jar.

We have two cookie jars in our house. One for me and Kankuro and the other just for Gaara because he's a living cookie monster except he doesn't have blue fur and he doesn't have a weird way of speaking. Well, maybe he does.

I told him that I never ate out of his cookie jar. So did Kankuro and this time he was actually telling the truth.

So who ate Gaara's cookies you may ask?

We followed a cookie crumb trail that led from his cookie jar to the hallway closet to find out.

We opened it to see Kankuro's cat sleeping next to an old box with cookie crumb all across it's fur.

How in the world did it open the lid?

Who knows?

But Gaara got his justice as he put Kankuro's cat outside for the night.

Now that I think about it, I have to find Siren.

Your misplacing her cat author,

Temari


	55. Sandy Snowmen

**May 9, **

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris can make a snowman with sand.

Today is May 9, six days away from May 15.

May 15 is Kankuro's birthday.

Gaara and I thought to ourselves; What do you get the most annoying sibling that anyone can ask for his birthday?

Gaare suggested nothing.

It's because he's still bitter that Kankuro used his sand for snowman this morning.

Or in this case, sandmen.

He managed to create very good likenesses of people we know here in Suna.

Except for Baki.

Let's just say I have no need to see what the side of his face that he hides under his turban looks like thanks to Kankuro.

Your thinking author,

Temari


	56. Wake Up Call!

**May 12**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

When you're asleep, Chuck Norris is watching you.

Kankuro reached a new low just this morning.

He observed Gaara.

While he was sleeping in his bed.

Like one of those creepers you see on TV.

When Gaara woke up to see Kankuro mere inches away from his face, Kankuro asked him what he was getting for his birthday, which is in three days.

Gaara answered him by raising his hand.

Then he bitch slapped his brother in the face.

It was so loud, the neighbors heard it.

No seriously, the neighbors actually told me they heard a loud slap when they were in their homes just five minutes ago.

Talk about a wakeup call.

Your just woken up author

Temari


	57. Kankuro's Birthday

**May 15**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris puts the 'chuck' in nunchucks.

Kankuro's birthday went fairly well and uit was a big bonanza like he wanted with plenty of food, guests, and gifts.

Gaara got him a book on how to be a better sibling. Nice brotherly thing to do if you ask me.

I got him a sketchbook to help him with his creativity.

Matsuri got him a spare cat hat and some more face paint, which Gaara quickly tried to hide.

But the award for stupidest gift of the night goes to Baki.

He got Kankuro nunchucks for his birthday.

He got FREAKING NUNCHUCKS!

FOR KANKURO!

As soon as Kankuro tried to use them, he instantly hit his nuts and his head in one move.

I turned to Baki to see that he was failing miserably to hide his laughter.

Maybe the gift was his revenge for Kankuro pulling down his pants after the student vs. faculty soccer game at the Academy.

Now that I think about it . . .

Revenge is a bitch, isn't it Kankuro?

Your thinking author

Temari

* * *

**Yes, yes it is.**

**Kankuro**

* * *

NOT YOU TOO!

Temari


	58. Orange Problems

**May 24**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris knows a word that rhymes with orange.

The word orange is probably the most annoying word in the English dictionary.

It doesn't rhyme with anything.

The color is to damn bright to wear on missions.

The fruit we'll squirt you in the eye if you're not careful.

It's used badly in jokes. "Orange you happy I didn't say apple?" for example.

Naruto wears the color all the damn time.

Need I say more?

Your really not liking the color orange author,

Temari

* * *

**Birthdays**

**May 25: Pesche Guatiche (Bleach)**


	59. Locks

**June 2**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

When you create a password it tells you the strength. When Chuck Norris types in a password . . . need I say more.

I finally got a lock for my journal and it's not just any lock where you use a key or a number code.

It's a special voice activated lock. It's a seal lock that allows you to infuse the journal with your chakra. Then you say your password and it will open up.

Now Gaara and Kankuro can't get into this book because they have no idea what my password is.

Your winning author

Temari

* * *

**Nice lock Temari!**

**Kankuro**

* * *

How did you get in here Kankuro?

Temari

* * *

**I figured out your lock.**

**Kankuro**

* * *

How could you have figured out my password?

Temari

* * *

_Your password is Shikamaru. It wasn't too hard to figure out._

_Gaara_

* * *

I despise both of you.

Temari


	60. Why Don't We Sweat?

**June 6**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris wears white to black tie events.

* * *

Black is a very popular color among the ninja in the village.

Yet we live in the desert.

They say the more dark colors you wear in the sunlight, the more you will sweat.

Yet we seem immune to that statement.

I know a lot of ninjas in the village and they have all told me that they have never sweated in the sun as long as they don't do anything strenuous.

Even Kankuro doesn't sweat and he wears the most black among us, even more than me and Gaara if you count our younger years.

Now here's a second question I ask myself.

If we live in the desert, then how come we are paler than the people of Konoha?

I just don't get it.

We seriously can't get a tan.

Your wondering author,

Temari

* * *

**Upcoming Birthday**

**June 9: Itachi Uchiha (Naruto)**


	61. The Pest's Nest

**June 10**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.

I decided to eat a salad for lunch today when me and my brothers went to a small cafe for lunch today.

When I got my salad, I instantly found a spider leg in my meal.

A freaking spider leg.

But, it was much worse for my brothers.

Kankuro found a sleeping rat in his beef ramen.

He also believes that that rat was going to have babies, but I thought it was just fat.

And Gaara . . .

He was not to please to find the rest of the spider in his food.

I had a spider leg. He had the whole spider.

Currently, that cafe is officially shut down.

Lesson learned: Never go to a place called the Pest's Nest.

Gaara and I will never listen to Kankuro's suggestions again.

Your sickened author,

Temari


	62. Wind Tunnel

**June 14**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris can create tornadoes by running around in circles.

I taught another class at the Academy in the art of the fan today.

It was actually a pretty productive class to say the least.

Everyone managed to complete all the exercises I gave them today.

Well, everyone except one.

This one boy decided to go against my warnings and decided to create a mini wind tunnel in the dojo.

No one was hurt.

Except Kankuro, who opened the door just as the mini wind tunnel came through.

He got blown through the wall.

Don't worry. His fat cushioned the impact, but he was knocked unconcious.

Gaara was there too, but he stepped out of the way of the wind tunnel just before it his Kankuro.

As for the boy that decided to go against my instructions . . .

I gave him 5% extra credit for the day.

Your happy author

Temari

* * *

**Birthdays**

**June 11: Kurenai Yuhi (Naruto)**

**June 15: Kimimaro Kaguya (Naruto)**


	63. Tearjerkers

**June 17**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris heard his mom sing "Cry me a River", hence the Amazon.

* * *

Shikamaru visited me again today.

I had the day off and Gaara was busy at work while Kankuro was busy at his workshop, which led to me and Shikamaru watching a movie together in the living room.

It was absolutely perfect.

Till the ending when we realized that Kankuro was hiding behind the couch we were sitting on and was watching the movie with us the entire time.

He was crying his eyes out when we saw him.

He told us that he was crying throughout the movie, but we never noticed him because me and Shika were crying too.

This is what we get when you watch "The Notebook".

Your balling author,

Temari


	64. Gladiators

**June 21**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

If Chuck Norris had performed in 300, the film would be called 1.

* * *

Today, there was a 'Dress Like a Gladiator' day at the Puppet Corps.

They never let anyone into the building if they weren't dressed like a gladiator.

Gaara was supposed to meet with some of the head puppeteers at the Corps.

And lucky for his fan girls, he wasn't exempt from the rules.

I never knew Gaara had abs.

I never knew Kankuro could be so jealous.

I never knew I would get blackmail against Gaara that could last me the rest of the week.

You got to love cameras.

Your sneaky author,

Temari


	65. Power Outage

**June 24**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

God said 'Let there be light!' and Chuck Norris flipped the switch.

* * *

Today, Sunagakure suffered a major power outage.

All of the electricity went out for five hours and we had to rely on candlelight to see.

We didn't even let Kankuro handle the candles because he tends to drop stuff.

That's why Gaara and I always call him 'Butterfingers' behind his back.

Anyway, Kankuro holding a candle was the least of our worries today.

Let's just say Gaara's fan girls really took advantage of the power outage today and walked away with a whole lot of Gaara's clothes.

We can expect to find some of those sometime in the near future on the black market.

It also didn't help that Lee came over today on a mission from the Leaf and offered to let Gaara wear some of his green onesies.

Gaara wearing a onesie/green jumpsuit/thing?

I don't want to imagine it.

Your helping her brother buy new clothes author

Temari


	66. 3D Movies

**June 30**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

A 3-D movie about Chuck Norris was just made, it got rated D cause everyone died.

* * *

What's with the fascination of 3D movies?

The only difference between 2D and 3D is that the pictures jump out at you in 3D.

Plus, they cost a lot more than the 2-D movies.

Is it really worth it?

Kankuro thinks so.

He swore to himself that he will only watch 3-D movies for the rest of his life.

Gaara soon swore after that he would never give Kankuro money to go out and watch 3-D movies ever again.

I'm going to do the exact opposite.

You know why?

Less Kankuro in the house and that means less body odor.

Your helpful author,

Temari

* * *

**You're both helpful and mean at the same time.**

**Kankuro**

* * *

Why thank you Kankuro.

Temari, with a smile


	67. Bad Luck with Broken Mirrors

**July 5**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

When Chuck Norris looked in the mirror, the mirror shattered . . . no one gets between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

* * *

Have you heard of the legend that if a mirror breaks, you get seven years bad luck?

Well, this morning Kankuro accidently broke his bathroom mirror, thinking he saw a ghost in the reflection.

After he broke the mirror, he slipped on a bar of soap and hit his jaw on the side of his bathtub.

Then he stumbled down the stairs.

Hit his head on the side of the wall.

And then accidently high fived one of Gaara's cacti.

I think the legend is true.

Gaara thinks it's Kankuro's stupidity that's at fault.

Then he walked out the house and into the path of a black cat.

Ten bucks says he will suffer some bad luck himself before he gets home.

Your curious and maybe believing in bad luck author

Temari


	68. One Picky Eater

**July 7**

Chuck Norris fact of the day:

Chuck Norris doesn't eat; he just sucks the energy out of food by staring at it.

* * *

Here's a question for you dear journal.

Why does Gaara never seem to eat when people are around?

When he eats in private, he wipes the plate clean of food.

When he eats in public, he picks at his food and nibbles at it like he doesn't care about it.

Is he concerned about how people will look at him when he eats?

I have no idea, but I'm worried.

Your worried author

Temari

* * *

**I have my reasons for not eating in public.**

**Gaara**

* * *

I'm not going to answer that.

Temari


	69. My Lazy Ass Bum

**July 19**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

Chuck Norris had to face reality . . . reality lost.

* * *

How does a hard working girl like me fall for a lazy ass bum like Shikamaru?

Ever since I've first met him, I instantly thought he was lazy.

But when we battled each other at the Chunnin Exams, he proved that he was smart.

A genius. A prodigy of the Nara Clan.

And I admit, I started to feel a little respect for him since then.

Over time, that respect grew and grew and after a while, I finally realized that I had feelings for him.

Yes journal, I have feelings for Shikamaru Nara.

Why do you think I am dating him?

I remember the phrase 'Opposites attract.'

When it comes to me and Shikamaru, I think the phrase is right on the money.

Your dating a smart, but lazy ass bum

Temari

* * *

**Aw Temari, that's so sweet and gag inducing. It makes me want to cry.**

**Kankuro**

* * *

I will hunt you down Kankuro and make you eat your own face paint for this.

Temari

* * *

***Runs for the hills. I mean, sand dunes.***

* * *

That's what I thought.

Temari


	70. Fan Girls Want My Fan

**July 24**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

Chuck Norris made those good girls go bad.

* * *

I'll keep it simple today.

Gaara's fan girls are absolutely ballistic.

They have started to grab stuff that belongs to Kankuro and me.

You know why?

They think because since me and Kankuro are Gaara's siblings, Gaara would come into contact with our stuff.

So, basically they are taking our stuff out of association with Gaara.

I may seem paranoid, but just this afternoon, I saw this fan girl accidently drop a small book on the road. I got curious, so I picked it up and looked through it.

The book turned out to be a bingo book filled with all the possible items me and Kankuro have that were possibly touched by Gaara. (How would they know about all the stuff we have I wonder?)

Turns out Kankuro's puppets and my fan are the most expensive items to get.

10,000 yen for three of Kankuro's puppets and 15,000 yen for my fan.

Since my fan is the most heavily priced item in the book, I'll be keeping it strapped to my back from here on out thank you very much.

Your scared for her fan authore,

Temari


	71. Stolen Puppets

**July 25**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

The 10th Bijuu is Chuck Norris.

* * *

They've done it.

The fan girls managed to grab both Kankuro's Black Ant and Salamander puppets just this morning.

They invaded his workshop and took the two puppets while Kankuro was sleeping in a nearby chair.

Now all he has left are Sasori and Crow, plus a few supplementary puppits.

My fan may be next.

I'm going to really need to keep an eye out for my fan now.

I told Gaara about and you know what he did.

First he laughed.

And then he stopped and asked me 'You're serious?'

Not even he believed me at first.

The fan girls are crazy.

Your keeping a careful watch on her fan author,

Temari


	72. More Thievery!

**July 26**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

Chuck Norris can build a water dam . . . In the Sahara Desert!

* * *

The fan girls did it again.

They've stolen Kankuro's Crow and Sasori puppets.

You know how? Simple, while one girl distracted Kankuro by flirting with him, a few other girls swiped his other puppets right off his back.

And then the girl that was flirting with him kneed him in the balls.

And he calls himself a ninja!

I'm still on guard 24/7, making sure no fan girls come after my fan.

If one fan girl even comes near my precious battle fan, I'll make sure they clean out every dirty public bathroom stall in Suna!

This I swear!

Your protective of their fan author,

Temari

* * *

**Hi! Miranda here, with a great opportunity for you readers. It's going to be a little contest. August 23 is Temari's birthday and I want you to send me suggestions for what kind of gifts Gaara and Kankuro should get for their sister. Best ideas will be used in the birthday entry of "The Tantalizing Tales of Temari"! Good luck!**


	73. More Theivery! Pt 2

**July 28**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

Only Chuck Norris can kill Chuck Norris. Oh the irony . . .

* * *

Good news!

I have survived another day with my fan still strapped safely to my back.

Bad news!

Other people associated with Gaara have started to notice that their stuff is getting stolen by his crazy fan girls.

Baki's turban was stolen and let me just say . . . the half of his face that he always keeps covered?

It's quite . . . unique. It's unique and that is all that I'm going to say on the subject.

Matsuri's johyo was taken too.

By her own best friend Sari!

You think you know a person?

This just proves that even friends will betray friends in order to get a piece of Gaara.

Or in this situation, things that could have been possibly touched by Gaara.

Your still scared for her fan author,

Temari

* * *

**Remember! Aug. 23 is our favorite Wind mistress's b-day. Send me ideas/suggestions for what Gaara and Kankuro should get for their sister. Best ideas will be used in the birthday entry! **


	74. I'VE BEEN ROBBED!

**August 3**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

Jacob and Edward both wear Team Chuck Norris t-shirts.

* * *

They did it . . .

Those fucking fan girls did it.

They got my fan.

Do you know how they got my fan?

Kankuro took it from me while I was sleeping.

I sealed it in a scroll and hit it in my underwear drawer since I figured no one would ever go looking for it there.

But last night, Kankuro snuck into my room and took the scroll so that he can use it for a trade chip to get his puppets back.

Matsuri was the one who told me this, but by the time I figured out where he was, he already left for Konoha.

He's safe for now, but when he returns, I will give him a first class trip to the morgue.

Your pissed off author,

Temari

* * *

**Temari, calm down, you are overreacting.**

**Gaara**

* * *

I'm not overreacting!

Kankuro's going to pay and you will too!

* * *

**Why?**

* * *

For not controlling your fan girls and for invading the privacy of my journal once again.

THAT'S WHY?

* * *

**. . . It must be that time of month for you isn't it?**

* * *

WHAT WAS THAT YOU REDHEADED PANDA LOOKING SLEEP DEPRIVED BASTARD?

* * *

**. . . .**

* * *

I . . . thought . . . so.

* * *

**A/N: Contest is still going on strong. August 23****rd**** is Temari's b-day. Send in suggestions for what Kankuro and Gaara should get for their sister. Best suggestions will be used for the birthday entry! XD**


	75. The Search is On

**August 4**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

Walker Texas Ranger wasn't an action crime drama, it was a documentary.

* * *

It's officially Day 1 of my Battle Fan search.

I went through 15 places that usually hold meetings between Gaara's fan girls today.

I didn't find my fan in any of them.

But I did manage to break up two drug smuggling rings.

Kankuro's still on his way to Konoha, but he will be promptly destroyed viciously when he returns.

As for Gaara, he was punished for what he did to you yesterday journal.

All I needed to do was strip him to his underwear and dump him at one of the fan girls hideouts.

His screams could be heard for miles.

This is what he gets for suspecting it was that time of month for me.

Which it is not.

Your still pissed author,

Temari


	76. Still Searching

**August 5**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

Chuck Norris is the reason Abe Lincoln is honest.

* * *

It's day 2 of my Suna Fan Search.

Yes, my search has an official name now.

I went through 10 meeting places the fan girls are known to hang out at.

Still no fan.

But this time I broke up three black market depots.

Now there will be no more faulty ninja tools hitting the streets of Suna.

Gaara's mad at me for stripping him yesterday and dropping him off at a fan girl hideout.

He told me that he wouldn't be getting me a present for my birthday at the end of the month.

Well . . . I don't care.

I will never be truly happy till I get my fan back.

Your searching author,

Temari


	77. And Searching

**August 9**

Chuck Norris fact of the day. . .

Chuck Norris beat up Popeye and took his spinach.

* * *

Kankuro returned from Konoha yesterday.

I instantly sent him to a world of pain as soon as he stepped through the front door.

And then to the hospital for medical attention (See . . . I'm caring.)

Anyway . . . I'm still on the hunt for my fan.

You can run fan girls who have my fan, but you can't hide.

I will find you.

I will beat you.

And then I'm going to kick your asses right out of the village.

No fan girl is safe.

Your still searching author

Temari

* * *

**Please review and don't be afraid to leave birthday gift ideas. Temari's birthday is only in a few short weeks.**


	78. A Conspiracy in the Midst?

**August 13**

Chuck Norris fact of the day

When Chuck Norris wants a Klondike Bar, no one makes him do anything.

* * *

I may have made a breakthrough in my fan search yesterday.

Matsuri came to me with a photograph of a girl dressed in a hoodie and a skirt with my fan strapped to her back in broad daylight. . .

. . . Entering the Kazekage Tower.

So . . . I questioned every single person that works in the Tower.

They all told me that they never saw her.

I went to Gaara to ask about the girl.

He told me 'I never saw her. E-Ever.'

When have you ever seen Gaara stutter?

Suspicious.

Your sensing something is amiss author,

Temari


	79. Hospital Interrogation

**August 15**

Chuck Norris fact of the day . . .

Wrong MC Hammer; Chuck Norris CAN touch this.

* * *

I asked Kankuro at the hospital if he had any idea who the hoodie girl who has my fan was.

I showed him her photo

He said he didn't recognize her.

I could tell he was lying.

His heart monitor pulsed faster, signaling that he wasn't telling the truth.

So . . . I got my answers from him by continuously bashing his broken leg.

He caved in seconds.

He said the girl from the photo was a part of Gaara's personal ANBU guard.

Gaara . . .

I'm coming for you.

You better be able to explain yourself.

Your angered author,

Temari


	80. Kazekage on the Run

**August 17**

Chuck Norris fact of the day . . .

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

* * *

I went back to Gaara's office this morning and told him everything that Kankuro told me in his hospital room.

Gaara's answer for all of this?

He looked down at his paperwork.

Then at me.

Then at his paperwork.

Then at me.

Then at his paperwork.

And then me again.

And then used his sand to disappear from the room and out the window.

Just from that, I know that Gaara is in on this conspiracy.

Gaara, you are now number one on my wanted list.

Your hunting author,

Temari


	81. Plastic Wrap

**August 18**

Chuck Norris fact of the day . . .

I am Chuck Norris, and I approve this roundhouse kick.

* * *

When I got home today, I found out that Gaara locked himself in his room to avoid me at all costs.

So . . . I put a little prank into action.

I took up all the plastic wrap we had in the kitchen and put it all in front of Gaara's door like an invisible wall.

When I called him for dinner, Gaara made me promised to not kill him for his involvement with the fannapping.

I promised him as long as he told me where my fan was.

It was a deal.

He opened his door and walked straight into a wall of plastic wrap.

I couldn't help but laugh.

And I caught it all on camera.

He's still wrapped in the wrap as I write.

Trust me, this is only the beginning.

Your scheming author,

Temari


End file.
